White Ash
by teh Michiru
Summary: They all went a little crazy after that. Angrod comes to grips with betrayal.


Angaráto (Angrod) Character Study

* * *

They're stuck, trapped between the Ice and guilt; red, flowing guilt that stained the white wood of the ships that have sailed away and trapped them. Everywhere there are grave faces, grave, oh so grave, and already there is talk of betrayal. Uncle Nolofinwë refuses to comfort the people, his people, who followed him to the edge of their known world; he has withdrawn ever since the ships were discovered missing.

It is Findecáno who approaches him, tells him that they must keep the people calm, and, incidentally, will he keep an eye out for his older brother? Angaráto agrees, and goes to tell the people that of course Fëanáro will return, he just wanted to go ahead and plot the safest course before trying to cross the ocean with the largest host.

(He doubts this is strictly true, because these people have already betrayed Fëanáro, years and years ago when they rejoiced to have King Finwë remarry, and they have continued to betray him, again and again, but Angaráto says it anyway; making his half-uncle's exploits and eccentricities sound noble is an art he learned from Findecáno. The truth is, Fëanáro probably couldn't wait to get away from uncle Nolofinwë, but that's fine, because _the truth is, _he'll come back for them soon,)

so he tells the people that their new king has likely already reclaimed the Silmarils, avenged King Finwë's death, and pacified the savage Moriquendi. Any moment, now, the ships will be seen on the horizon. Angaráto runs across Turukáno, who looks flabbergasted to hear such wild speculation, but the people settle, and soon all his cousins and siblings

except for Findaráto, who he hasn't found

are saying similar things to women clutching small children, and the people relax, and morale rises, and everything is going fine and dandy, except that he still hasn't seen Findaráto.

Findecáno emerges from practically thin air, just when Angaráto is ready to start lifting up rocks to find his brother, and Angaráto is a bit sad; he hates failing Findecáno, but his stupid older brother is no where to be found, and Findecáno looks so tired

so, so tired, so old; when did his lively cousin get so old?

and disappointed, and Angaráto has seen these kinds of faces all day; he doesn't feel his tongue and lips shape the familiar syllables, doesn't hear his voice speak the words he's been saying all day.

Findecáno does not look reassured; it's as if he's beyond reassurance, and he snaps at Angaráto to grow up and stop telling such fantastic tales, doesn't he realize that they've killed-?

! - and the red, flowing guilt comes rushing back like the tide on the rocky shore, and an icy wave splashes up to their thighs, and their trousers turn dark red in the light of the lanterns their half-uncle left when he

abandoned them

betrayed them

sailed ahead without consulting Nolofinwë (because _Fëanáro _was their king and he did not have to explain why he did what he did-

even if grandfather Finwë always had)

dark, dark red, like blood in a lightless harbor, blood running from the

dead

bodies of his Telerin cousins, uncles- grandfather Olwë! – friends, and Angaráto says, no, actually, _we_ didn't kill anyone in a voice colder than the sea. And Findecáno sighs and crumples and Angaráto catches him, hears the endless refrain

Maitimo, Maitimo, _why_?

and he locks it away into his heart along with the whispers of betrayal.

He stands knee-deep in the ocean that cries with Elvish tears, bleeds with Teleri blood, and speaks with the voices of the dead, holding up his strong (lonely,) beautiful (damned,) untouchable (weeping) cousin Findecáno and tries not to taste, or feel, or hear, or _know_ anything.

Anything except that Fëanáro has to come back, because if he doesn't it's betrayal, and that's what the Valar said would happen, and Fëanáro would be damned before he proved the Valar right.

Right?

And Angaráto realizes he must have said it out loud when Findecáno laughs raspily, levering himself off Angaráto's shoulder.

And Angaráto sees the deep, dark knowledge in his cousin's eyes before he makes himself not see anything

except white ships on the horizon

and Findecáno says that they need to start rationing the supplies

what few supplies Fëanáro left them

and could he please find Findaráto before the ships return, and Angaráto says that won't be a problem because the ships aren't coming back.

Findecáno stares at him, but Angaráto stares off across the un-crossable ocean, to the mountains of smoke rising and blotting out the darkness.

And Angaráto can already see white ash from the white ships forming into little fleets on the red ocean that almost look solid enough to sail on.

* * *

Angaráto (Angrod) Character Study, Piece 4- 26/6/08

Just a little something I wrote a while ago when I was still trying to figure out Angrod's character. Obviously, it's changed quite a bit since then.


End file.
